1. If he removes the condom after you’ve required it
In a recent essay on The Establishment, writer Carrie Cutforth describes a sexual encounter with a guy who continually promised to wear a condom yet ultimately pushes his unsheathed dick and her boundaries.
In her memoir “Not That Kind of Girl,” Lena Dunham writes about a similar incident when she realized in the middle of sex that a condom she thought her partner had put on was hanging from a nearby plant.
When one person agrees to sex with the requirement of wearing a condom and the other person doesn’t comply – either through force or manipulation – that is not only a violation of trust but also a sexual violation.
“In some jurisdicitons, sexual assault statutes cover penetration associated with fraud,” Viktoria Kristiansson, an attorney advisor for AEquitas, “The Prosecutors’ Resource on Violence Against Women,” said in an interview with ATTN:. She added that depending on where you are, this conduct might not be covered under a jurisdiction’s criminal statutes so you would have to consider pursuing a civil remedy, which could include suing.
“I think that’s a pretty significant occurrence…I’d imagine she would be extremely upset, have to get tested for STIs,” said Kristiansson. “It’s really traumatizing, time-consuming, and expensive, depending on the kind of insurance that person does or doesn’t have – it’s a big deal.”
2. If someone keeps asking you to have sex until you say yes
When someone says “no” multiple times, then says “yes,” that is considered coerced consent, which isn’t really consent at all. Sexual coercion is a tactic that perpetrators often use to violate consent and manipulate someone until they give in, employing pressure, threats, or guilt. In contrast, real consent gives someone the space and the freedom to say “no.”
“As a general idea, the presence of coercion negates consent,” said Kristiansson. “Whether or not the totality of the facts involved would bring that conduct up to a criminal level really depends.”
Sexual coercion is just one of the factors considered in the investigation of a sexual assault case. “Investigators look at the totality of facts involved – they’re not simply looking at the five or ten seconds or minutes or hours when the possible criminal penetration occurred,” said Kristiansson. “We’re looking at what happened before, during, and after an incident or series of incidents.”
She continued: “Human behavior doesn’t exist in a time bubble. The victim selection process by the offender is no accident and is important to consider – there are offenders who are going to select a victim that they can attack successfully and they feel won’t report or feel won’t be believed. So when we take a look at an incident that is reported where the weapon was coercion, then we’re going to look at all those other factors.”
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